It pains Madame Shock that she even needs to say this, but here it goes: No one needs to know all your inner thoughts by reading your car. If the people around you do not know how to deal constructively with traffic-induced boredom, it is not your responsibility to provide them with a reading list.
Madame, for one, does not want to know that when it gets hot you go topless, or that nurses do it better with needles, or that you are not spoiled you are just well taken care of. She doesn't even want to know that Daddy bought it & you got it, that your progeny is on the honor roll, or that you are looking for a florist to send two Bushes to Iraq. No one has changed their political beliefs or religion by reading a sticker (although Madame has several times nearly lost hers ...).
Whatever happened to mystery? Imagine Jackie O getting into a car festooned with slogans, political opinions, witty bon mots, and facsimiles of testicles hanging from the hitch (yes, we have seen such...). Do you think Princess Grace's automobile declared her the proud mama of a circus performer, or that blondes do it better? Did Audrey Hepburn string little white stick figures or - quelle horreur! - flip flops across her back window to indicate how many children, husbands, lovers, ex-lovers, dogs, cats, and assorted pets she had accumulated?
Whatever happened to mystery? Imagine Jackie O getting into a car festooned with slogans, political opinions, witty bon mots, and facsimiles of testicles hanging from the hitch (yes, we have seen such...). Do you think Princess Grace's automobile declared her the proud mama of a circus performer, or that blondes do it better? Did Audrey Hepburn string little white stick figures or - quelle horreur! - flip flops across her back window to indicate how many children, husbands, lovers, ex-lovers, dogs, cats, and assorted pets she had accumulated?
Basta, my beauties! Madame will allow you one discreet affiliation with either your school or your company. Although she would certainly prefer you display nothing, a simple alumni decal or company name on your license-plate holder will not cause her to roll maliciously into your bumper. Even she is reasonable enough to admit that if you are a sales rep, it would be silliness not to capitalize on prime advertising real estate and a trapped audience by announcing your affiliation...discreetly. But please - save us all from the knowledge that you envy Barbie because that bitch has everything.
Remember Coco Chanel's own witty quote: Elegance is Refusal. But don't even think about putting that on a bumper sticker.
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