Monday, November 30, 2009

Tiffany's Tampon Case







You didn't think that title was serious, did you? Mais c'est tres vrai, my dears.


Here's the problem: Madame Shock is such a prolific snail-mail correspondent (as are you, YES?) that she burns through her favorite Tiffany's stationery at an alarming rate. But what to do with all those lovely blue boxes once they have been emptied of original contents? Regifting them simply cannot be done, but letting them stack up under one's escritoire becomes equally ticky-tacky and ostentatious. What to do?

Madame has been on a visit to the local landfill (yes, she has) and she tries very hard to save any of her possessions from such a gruesome fate. So she has spent some time in serious contemplation on how to repurpose the simple stationery box.

Thankfully some of that time in contemplation was spent in Tahoe over Thanksgiving - at a lovely waterfront chalet in a sweet community in the reductively monikered Dollar Point - where she found her every need anticipated and every wish fulfilled. Except. Except for the supplies a girl needs desperately on occasion (ok, every month). Madame searched high and low for said supplies in all six bathrooms, but to no avail. Eventually she had to make a timid request, which of course is most mortifying to a delicate guest and a solicitous hostess, both.
So. How did we get from Tahoe to Tiffany's to tampons? Madame's mind is never too far from Tiffany's, darlings! It was an easy 1-2-3. After posting her last witty, handwritten missive from the snow-covered Squaw slopes, she looked at the beautiful, empty box destined to be soon covered in orange peel, coffee grounds, and other detritus at the landfill and said: mais non!
Behold - a Tiffany's Tampon Case.



Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!




Mesdames Shock & Chausseurs wish all their fabulous readers an elegant, safe, wonderful holiday.

Madame Chic, being European, is spending the holiday in Monte Carlo with Stuart Weitzman, Valentino, & Gucci. She sends kisses and a few photos, and tells everyone not to eat that jiggly cranberry stuff. She's convinced it leads to cellulite.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Lemme Have Labels


For the die-hard label lovers amongst us (pot - you're black!) - what to do when we either (1) can't afford the screaming-label item or (2) think its a little like shooting fish in a barrel?

Well here's a little treasure hunt for you: track down an authentic "uniform" from a high-end boutique. We're talking Chanel, Yves Saint Laurent, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, etc.

Forget about wait lists - these things are much more exclusive! Do the math: many hundreds of "wait listed" items are sold per store, but only a few dozen (at most) uniforms are distributed to employees.

And in case your idea of a uniform is garishly-colored, double-knit polyester with a large "Name Patch Disk" on the breast, you need to revise.

Madame Shock recently happened upon a stock of deliciously fitted, elegantly tailored, little black wool blazers with satin center plackets and bold gold zippers at front and cuffs. Alors! Wouldn't you know it, the LV zipper toggles (and dismembered labels) declared themselves to be unmistakably Louis Vuitton?

Of course Madame can't reveal the name of the ex-employee who coughed up the cache (so to speak) but you can find similar on eBay. They're uniformly stellar (forgive the obvious pun)!

Think about it, bien sur: what designer worth his or her Moroccan vacation home is going to dress the showroom's vendeuse(s) in anything less than the best? ... Exactly.

So while your friends are all trotting around with multiple, identical versions of a "unique" wait-listed IT bag...why not show up in a truly original Chanel?

Louboutin Love for Less


Once upon a time Madame Shock was a mere mademoiselle, sent abroad at a tender age to acquire some polish and education. (She ended up meeting Mademoiselle Chic and getting kicked out of school for stealing a ladder from a farmer's barn and using it to climb out the dormitory window to go clubbing all night...but that's another story.)

Armed with a copy of Born To Shop Europe and an "emergency" credit card, Mademoiselle Shock practically ran straight off the plane and into a secret Parisian shoe sale. There she acquired the most divine, velvety grey suede Christian Dior pumps. Knowing she could never wear grey before 30, she whisked her prizes to the Shoe Guy (see "Add-An-Inch" entry) for a quick dye job. Voila! Perfect buttery-soft, deep black masterpieces (that she wore clubbing, of course).

Ah, but Madame, you say, WHAT ABOUT THOSE GORGEOUS LOUBOUTIN BOOTS IN THE PICTURE??? You have been very sweet in allowing Madame her geriatric reminiscences, so here's the secret. Those boots, which Louboutin himself declared in InStyle magazine to be one of his favorite all-time styles, were sold out in black before they even hit the shelves. But the hot pink version (which we find very chic, indeed)...well, they languished in stores like pumpkins after Halloween until they were finally reduced to half price. HALF PRICE, dahlings!

Madame Shock snapped up two pair: one to keep in all their dramatic, hot pink glory, and one to dye a perfect buttery-soft, deep black.

And now she just might go clubbing.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

W'Elle, How Bazaar...and other suspects


Many thanks to a delightful reader for sending the attached note regarding a certain snippet in...shall we call it ElleBazaarVogueW? She pointed out the rows of fashion editors at recent shows in Milan, Paris, & New York, smirking at the camera (photo artfully cropped to protect the guilty) & revealing nothing but...well, I don't think I could possibly add anything to her spot-on analysis.

The photo & note will soon assume a gleefully prominent spot in my Inspiration Book, bien sur!

(And points for a handwritten snail mail submission! PostIt stationery entirely forgiven in this case.)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Reduce, Reuse, Re:Shoes




It took years to admit, but even we have our limits: these lovely Courreges and Salvatore Ferragamo shoes inherited from dear Aunt Mae just can't be made currently elegant, no matter how we train our combined resources on it. She may have worn them proudly on the Queen Elizabeth, but we wouldn't even wear them in Queens.

They are simply, definitely, hopelessly frumpy and outdated. Not even a staggering platform (see entry on Add-An-Inch) can help. And the Courreges are so oddly speckled with - something - it looks like Auntie Mae either took up spray painting graffiti in her old age or stored them in a fly-ridden attic (no fair guessing which was more likely). Clearly not even fit for the charity bin.

So...what's a chic inheritee, with proper respect for the deceased and the environment, going to do? Reuse, Reshoes, Re...news! Renews. Renew. Get it?

Ah. What elements can we reuse in a renewed way? Unless you've got a fabulous idea for re-purposing antique leather shoe soles, worn thin by repeated trips to bingo and the local pharmacist, we're going with the always-hip logo buckles on the toes. We are particularly fond of the Courreges ones since they are so very French and classic and underexposed.

To cut a long (and largely self-congratulatory) essay short: the shoe buckles look marvelous woven onto a ribbon or thin scarf and incorporated into a headband. Three look better than two (see any interior decorator's book on "groupings" in odd numbers), and a mix is much more elegant than everything from the same designer (see same entry) .

You can also thread your recovered shoe baubles on a small scarf (like those half-price, half-size Hermes items) and knot them "casually" around the handle of your favorite handbag. But we leave it to your discretion as to whether that has been worn into the ground like, um, a certain relative's leather shoe soles.

Now...how DID she get lurid speckles all over her church pumps?

But...on Buttons


Calling all readers: what can we do with a motley assortment of vintage Christian Dior, Ferragamo, and Yves Saint Laurent buttons (fuzzy picture thoughtfully provided)?

We've done the usual: the button skirt, the button purse, the button bra...the expensive-buttons-on-a-cheap-blazer fiasco. Those were all explored in our teen years, bien sur - mere child's play for a truly inventive glam artist.

What does a sophisticated woman of the world do with such an offbeat treasure trove? Thoughts?

Add-An-Inch



Ah yes, we could make many jokes about that, yes? But we don't have time, because we have something really important to discuss: SHOES!

Do you have a pair of shoes that you absolutely adore but are just not... fresh anymore? (We won't betray our age by admitting that there's anything snicker-able about that line, either.)

Anyway - take a shoe like our adored black satin pump with gold jeweled heel by Todd Oldham (before he sold out to every cheap licenser in town...). Hmmm. Such a lovely shoe. Now why don't we wear it? Perhaps because we have grown accustomed to towering, swaggering, sashaying through town on platforms that would make the Sun King swoon?

Well, just like said Solar Monarch you need to develop your court following. And first and foremost you need: a great shoe repair guy! Take those beloved but embarrassingly un-elevated shoes hence, and ask for a platform under sole and heel. Voila! Much better.

The caveat, we have found, is not to grasp more than you can chew (bite off more than you can..catch?) - whatever - basically just don't get over-ambitious and go too high. We are messing with nature here: the gods didn't favor those poor shoes with a healthy platform from birth, so pushing them too far (or high) toward fashionability will throw off the balance and end disasterously. (Look what happened to Courtney Love, after all.) Seriously, take heed: you can turn your Shannen Dohertys into Tina Feys but they'll never be Angelina Jolies.

Now, go gather those dusty, lonely shoes and give them new life! My shoe guy insists that the platforms can be easily removed when trends swing toward paper-thin soles again. At any rate, I'm sure it will be an easier job than making our ego adjust to being normal height again...

(Stay tuned for shoe repair guy, part II, where he actually makes our Louboutins more valuable)

The Good Book: Your Inspiration Bible




There are so many books we should be maintaining - a food journal, a diary, our kids' baby books - but the most purely indulgent (and low-maintenance!) is your Inspiration Scrapbook.

You know what we're talking about: every designer, stylist, or artistic personality has some version of it - a bulletin board, a wall, a book, or a poster filled with images and objects that inspire their current creative endeavor. YOU, my dear chic friend, ARE your current creative endeavor, so your book is a never-ending journey through the styles, people, ideas, quotes, colors, pictures, clippings, musings that help you pursue your vision.

We prefer a book over a wall or bulletin board for several reasons: it's portable, it's able to fit in a tiny office, and it maintains a permanent archive of all our past genius!

There are no rules, other than to fill it selfishly with exactly what you like. Our current pages are filled with lots of fashion tearsheets, of course, plus quotes, travel dreams, clips from gossip rags illustrating what we Don't Want To Be, and great examples of women growing old gracefully (check out the guns on Betsy Bloomingdale, 40+, in 1969!).

Go forth and gather, paste and post!